"I must die."

This blog has taken a different turn lately, eh? It's been a while since I've written a post about something little like the way icicles form on street signs or something delicious like a new recipe I've tried. For some reason I've wanted to write about the stuff God is teaching me. I feel like he's really been laying it on thick lately so I thought I'd share some more.

I've mentioned before that my friend April and I are (slowly) going to through the book A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent. I have been convicted, in the best, most gracious way that only God can convict, that even though I don't want to admit it, I'm living for the world, not Christ and his kingdom. I've been reading about how the gospel isn't just a story of Christ's crucifixion but also the story of my own crucifixion. Here are some bits and pieces from the book because he says it way better than I ever could... why reinvent the wheel.

"The Bible tells me that I, too, was crucified on Christ's cross. My old self was slain there, and my love affair with the world was crucified there too."

"He insists that every hour be my dying hour, and He wants my death on the cross to be as central to my own life story as is Christ's death to the gospel story."

"Crucifixion hurts. In fact, its heart-wrenching brutality can numbs the senses. It is a gasping and bloody affair, and there is nothing nice, pretty, or easy about it. It is not merely death, but excruciating death."

"I should expect every day to encourage circumstantial evidence of God's commitment to my dying; and I must seize upon every God-given opportunity to be confirmed more fully to Christ's death, no matter the pain involved."

"These facts surrounding Christ's resurrection stand as proof positive that God will not leave me for dead, but will raise me similarly, if I would only allow myself to die."

This was one of the things that hit me hardest... It's so practical and relevant and shows me where I'm really struggling with dying to myself.

"When my flesh yearns for some prohibited thing, I must die. When called to do something I don't want to do, I must die. When I wish to be selfish and serve no one, I must die. When shattered by hardships that I despise, I must die. When wanting to cling to wrongs done against me, I must die. When enticed by allurements of the world, I must die. When wishing to keep besetting sins secret, I must die. When wants that are borderline needs are left unmet, I must die. When dreams that are good seem shoved aside, I must die."

"Not my will, but Yours be done."

This is what I'm learning. God's patiently chipping away at my sin... There's nothing "nice, pretty, or easy about it" - it's an "excruciating death" - but it's what needs to be done to help grow me into the godly woman I was created to be.

"So, come what may, I'll let no one take this death from me!"