Insecurity.

(Warning: super emo post.)

I've been struggling with insecurity lately. I know, we all struggle with insecurities... But lately it seems as though I've been letting it affect my life more than it has in the past.

I would say that if you would have asked me a few years ago, "What would have to happen to make you feel good about yourself?" I would have answered: 1. Lose weight. 2. Get a boyfriend. Well... about 2 years ago I started losing weight and dating someone. I felt good about myself... for a while. But the, "Wow! You look great!"s have stopped coming because my weight loss is old news. And as great as Josh is, his newness has also worn off and I've started putting this unfair weight on the things he does or doesn't say. Basically... I'm back at square one and I'm a mess.

I have started reading the book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore. (If that doesn't sound like a self-help book... I don't know what does.) I read it a few years ago but I'm back for more... She wrote:

"We all have insecurities. They piggyback on the vulnerability inherent in our humanity. The question is whether or not our insecurities are substantial enough to hurt, limit, or even distract us from profound effectiveness or fulfillment of purpose. Are they cheating us of the powerful and abundant life Jesus flagrantly promised? Do they nip at our heels all the way from the driveway to the workplace? Scripture claims that believers in Christ are enormously gifted people. Are our insecurities snuffing the Spirit until our gifts, for all practical purposes, are largely unproductive or, at the very least, tentative?"

If I'm being honest... this is where I'm at. I'm disappointed that I let myself get here. I know better than to put my hope and worth in anything other than the Lord yet I do it time and time again. So I'm working on it... Side by side with Christ I'm digging into this. No resolution yet... I'm still a work in progress - and always will be. But I just thought I'd write to say insecurities suck - and if you struggle like I do - maybe it's time you start poking holes in yours because they could be preventing you from being and doing what God has called you and created you to be and do. Let's do this.

(You can't say I didn't warn you...)